Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
