she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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