whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
did you just send me my own nude
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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