I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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