It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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