At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
