is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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