I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
