i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
