they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
