Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
