okay pat passed out under dana's car
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
