It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
