brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
