so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
