but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize