I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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