I think I am morally bankrupt
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
