dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
