We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
