Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
