I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
