I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
