you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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