So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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