Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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