I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
