For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
