If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
