shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
