remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
