You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
