I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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