Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Can you bring me the toilet please
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
