Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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