Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
time to smoke my breakfast
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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