just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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