we're chasing vodka with high fives
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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