Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
