exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
