Girls should come with a carfax report
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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