Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
