sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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