Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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