he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
