The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
