This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What happened to fro yo and sex?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I forget how to act sober
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
