I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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