So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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