I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
