Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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