rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
