I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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