the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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