I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize