i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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