Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you never un-have a 4some
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
