I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
