if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
