is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
