hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
