When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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