Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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