Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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