Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
