just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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