i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
