college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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