I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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