you lied. pity sex is amazing.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
