things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
