I look better un-naked...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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