Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
